No. I'm not okay. No matter how many times you see me smiling, laughing and be happy, it is not the same with what i have in the inside right now. I'm not sure if i can be okay or will i ever be okay, but what i know is, the bad images and that pain is still and always be there and can i say, it is still playing right now in my mind? How bad it is, don't ever ask. it may not be as bad as losing your folks, but it is something that can't be taken away from my mind. I once ego and don't want to forgive the people that created this shit in me, but then i think back and i said to myself that i need peace in my life. I don't know if i already and fully forgive you guys, but one thing for sure, i can't get the pain you guys have done to me to be out of my mind. I want revenge but i know i don't have the power to do that. So i just leave it to Allah to decide what's best to give to you guys. He has all the power and He has all the rights to change you guys. Even though i'm not sure whether He will give it in a good or a bad condition. I as a human can just wait and see what will happen. And i, myself, can just give you guys a chance to change and leave it all to Him to decide. And may He forgive all the sins i have made and may He forgive all of us. Amin.
Here is a little something to describe my feeling right now.